Karthik, my new found friend in India, offered to take me to a hill temple just outside of Coimbatore. We drove in his car, a privilege I've come to appreciate after hours and hours on the bus. We hiked up the steps to the Hindu temple for the god of Karthik, a son of Shiva and Paravati.
The story goes that Shiva told his two sons, Ganesh and Karthik, that he would give a reward to the son who goes around the world and comes back first. Karthik jumps on his peacock and starts his journey around the world. Ganesh simply walks around his parents--indicating that his parents are his world. When Karthik returns to find his brother has won, he goes up to a hill and pouts. This is why temples for Karthik are always built on hills.
So, I find myself climbing stairs with Karthik, the man, trying not to breathe too heavy. We reach the top and drink deeply from the water taps. I don't care if it made me sick it feels great to scoop it in my hands and then lap it up enjoying the sweet taste. We walk around the temple and watch the sun set on the mountain. Karthik tells me the story of god who sees the wolrd, but is cheated of his father's prize. On our way back down we even catch a peak at a real peacock.
And for me? I find myself vacillating between intense loneliness and a deep gratitude for the experiences I've had as a single woman. I haven't tried to avoid marriage, in fact I've spent a lot of time seeking after it. And yet, I still find that wandering spirit in me. I fear that I'll never be completely content with living a quiet life in some quiet part of the world as a wife and mother. And yet, I watch with a bit of longing my married brothers and sisters with their growing families. I hold their children and sense the beauty that comes in family life.
Karthik or Ganesh? Homebody or Lone Wanderer? Are we ever just one or the other?
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